[Me]Sports: Olympics and Barnet!

I also have a sports post for you! Two different flavours today for you. First things first, there's a show on BBC1 tomorrow (29th July) at 10.35PM. Titled 'Olympic Dreams'...

...it shows the life of Britain's young Olympic stars as they prepare to take on the best of the world in the upcoming Beijing olympics, and also their training for London 2012. This is however the 3rd in the series - so why am I blogging about it? Because it involves two great young table tennis players, Darius Knight and Paul Drinkhall (Picture.

My second sports update is on my team, Barnet FC, and most notably their recent game against Arsenal. Final score was 1-2, however Barnet did take the lead with a wonderfully placed free-kick from left-back Kenny Gillet which beat Manuel Almunia. For the second half, Arsenal played a completely different 11, consisting of many new faces to football fans, from Arsenal's very successful youth setup. These youngsters actually played better than the more accomplished Arsenal team from the first half, and goals from Jay Simpson and Nacer Barazite sunk the Bees. The games was, however, a very good lesson for some of the younger players, and possibly one of Barnet's brighter young stars, Danny Hart, looks like he could turn out to be a very good player.

Until next time! Mr. Bean. Read more on "[Me]Sports: Olympics and Barnet!"...

[Me]Update: AVARiCE's Absence

For this update I have two posts in one for you. Most important thing first - our favourite editor AVARiCE is away on holiday and won't be back for a few weeks, so I'll be around to keep you occupied. Read more on "[Me]Update: AVARiCE's Absence"...

[You] Faceplant Friday: The Return of the Ouch

This week I’ve got three more videos lined up for you all. The usual blockbuster, a funny one and the final one - this week marks the return of the one that makes you cringe.

I’ll start with the funny one. A short clip which involves a little kid and gymnastics. God I love the gymnastic face plants.

It’s only short I know but the wacky music and multiple replays sum this face plant up. It’s quirky and no major damage was done – watch the kid run off at the end. I just found it really funny, I mean, this kid probably just proved that his Mum was right when she said he should quite gym and play football instead. Check the rest after the jump.

Ok this one is just cringe worthy. Could someone please tell me whether she broke her neck or not? Regardless – this looks like pain was a big hitter. Still, it’s a face plant, and it harks back to the early days of Face Plant Friday, in which I gave you some real painful ones.

Just Ouch. Somebody call a doctor or something, that has got to smart. Don’t you love the way she basically balances on her face before her neck gives a way? That, ladies and gents, is a proper face plant, with a hold. I heard this lady’s going to be in the new Tony Hawks.

But now. The moment you all love. The blockbuster face plant. This weeks’ is quite an odd one if I’m honest, I highly doubt anyone will spot it first time but don’t worry, it comes with a slow-mo replay.

Before I go any further I've got to hand credit to Matthew who pointed this video out to me, great spot! This is one of the best face plants I've ever seen for so many reasons - not only do I suspect that this guy is now out of the genepool, but I think all the other douche bags with him have learnt their lessons as well. Result. Now watch it again and take note of the sound of his face smacking the car. Beautiful, isn’t it?

Take care guys and gals.

~ AVARiCE Read more on "[You] Faceplant Friday: The Return of the Ouch"...

[Me] Introductions: Mr. Bean on your Editing Team!

I hope our resident editor has started all the necessary excitement over the newest additions to the editing team (!). But nevertheless, here I am – your deputy editor, Mr. Bean. I hope you’ll enjoy the different flavours that I’ll be bringing to your favourite blog.

-

Of course, you’ll be getting your usual dose of humour, news and just awesome-ness, but with me there’ll be some different flavours for you viewing folk. Sports will be where I blog about the comings and goings of my favourite team, Barnet FC, along with any other major lower-league football news that’s flying about. I’ll also be writing about my sport, table tennis, in these posts. Hopefully I’ll bring a few converts from Arsenal and badminton from the Dark Side! Other little niches of mine will undoubtedly be blogged about sooner or later, so keep an eye out!

‘Tis all for now folks!
Mr. Bean
Read more on "[Me] Introductions: Mr. Bean on your Editing Team!"...

[You] Comedy: Best News Story Evar?

This is just epic. See the jump? Do it.

I'm thinking of starting a new series (alongside Face Plant Friday) called 'Only In America', because with the glorious US of A, this blog probably wouldn't exist in any form, let alone this one.

I don't honestly think that my satire could actually add anything to this video. It involves a man with no nose, a kidnapping, a drunken pair and the best excuse I've ever heard. Epic.

Just watch it, if you can do it with a straight face then you're twice the man I am. Peace out.

~ AVARiCE Read more on "[You] Comedy: Best News Story Evar?"...

[You] Comedy: Drunken Referee is Drunk

This is just awesome, isn't it? I mean, what more is there to be said about this? Of course I can think of more! After the jump, guys!

Right. Where do we begin? Ah yes. This is a junior game. As in, everyone about to play is under the age of 18, and the audience probably consists of parents who wanted to pretend to be supportive, while Dad just checks out all the soccer mums out and about.

That's a good start. Then we arrive at his stance. He either has a terrible degenerative disease in his back muscles, a horrendous curvature in his spine or he's so drunk the world is a couple of degrees off to him. I think the safe money's on the latter.

So the event organisers realise he's drunk as a wotsit and try to coax him off the pitch. You can just tell what he's doing at this point, he's telling them he's fine (no really, he's fine) and that he loves them. Even his hand gestures tell you it's a drunken rumble.

Finally they get him to leave the pitch, before he does my favourite thing of this entire video. At 1:52 he gives the perfect wave, followed by an abrupt applause to the crowd. Yes, this man is so drunk he thinks the crowd loces him.

The story ends happily enough, the game was sponsored by an anti-drinking campaign. None of the kids ever drank alcohol in their entire lives. Some died on drug overdoses, but none even touched alcohol!

~ AVARiCE Read more on "[You] Comedy: Drunken Referee is Drunk"...

[You] Nintendo: New Peripheral. Sweet.

Click the image to view it in original size.

Pictured above is a wiimote sporting the Wii MotionPlus accessory. This accessory doesn't really carry the wow factor of things like the nunchuck, it just looks like a little white lego brick that clicks into the bottom of the remote, but that's not all it does. Hit the jump to find out why it's worth blogging about.

It looks tiny, but that peripheral is actually a very important step in the evolution of the Wii. You see, what it does is increase the Wiimotes' precision in regards to your actions and the goings on in-game. Why is this important? It means that we're now likely to see our first Light Saber game! Not only that, but this tiny little block will also improve your gaming experience on the basis that a game that relies on using a motion sensor will benefit from an improved sensor, simple as.

The other significant thing about this accessory is the timing of the announcement. Announced before E3, specifically before Microsoft (are highly likely to) reveal their motion-controlled sensor. Nintendo must've seen something coming. They never miss a trick do they?

via [Kotaku]

~ AVARiCE Read more on "[You] Nintendo: New Peripheral. Sweet."...

[Me] Update: Still Here!

What a terrible blogger I am. Having promised you an onslaught of content, I then gave you one Face Plant Friday and disappeared. Again. I’m now taking measures to prevent (the ever-increasing) readership (that’s you guys) being stranded by me! More after the jump.

Firstly, today I'm going to make a few blog posts, no-where near enough to make up for another two weeks without me posting but some content none-the-less.

This also links in nicely with how I'm going to get content posted up on here. I'm currently working on getting some more people on board the KebabKings team to blog at least once per week. As it currently stands, I'm either too lazy or too busy to post here on anything near a regular basis, which is a shame. To combat this, the team I'm building up will keep things ticking over with minor contributions weekly. Prepare for a little surprise on this later tonight ;)

In my last update post I also told you I was working behind the scenes, and true to my word, I was doing that. You might notice that there's now a last.fm playlist in the sidebar to the right, I've added a playlist full of songs for you to listen to. Unfortunately, I can't seem to get it to work in Firefox 3 (the problem lies at their end, not mine) so only IE users will get to use it for the foreseeable future. Firefox users can use the [IE Tabs] add-on for Firefox to render the page using Internet Explorer's engine, while still in Firefox. Musically, the playlist is my personal playlist, full of songs that I love. It ranges from melodeath to a couple of rock ballads, with everything from globally popular bands to 'unheard of' bands. Check it out, leave comments on what you want to hear added in or taken out, I'm always up for suggestions.

In other, not-so-significant news, I'm going to be on holiday for a month from the 22nd of July, so it is highly doubtful that I'll be posting in that time. I'm relying on my team to keep you fed in that time, but don't expect three course meals! I'd also like to remind you all to use the RSS feed (top link, sidebar - or click [here]) to subscribe to the blog. I don't know how you are all checking for new content as it stands right now, but RSS feeds are much simpler and aren't as intrusive as being e-mailed every single time I post. Using e-mail subscription is also a bad idea on the basis that as I change things behind the scenes I'm often blank posting and then deleting the posts, giving you 'ghost' e-mails.

Enjoy the summer holidays my friends and hopefully I'll keep you posted.

~ AVARiCE Read more on "[Me] Update: Still Here!"...

[You] Faceplant Friday: It’s back!

So, it's been a while and I can only apologise for that but I'm here and I've got three spankingly beautiful videos for you this week. Where else are you going to find a Jew, a fat guy and an epic fail smashing their faces into the ground? You can't say I don't love you, can you? We'll begin this week with the fat guy, because it's probably the least funny and I feel like saving the best until last.



Not the best face plant mankind has ever witnessed, but it does explain why he looks like the Michelin man, he's obviously done this before and over time his body has forgotten to pop back out of the crumpled state. Decent breasts for a lad though. Check the other two videos after the jump.

For my second video of the week, I offer a kid with a body board and a really bad case of epic fail. He might want some medicine for that - or his pride - after this monstrosity was caught on camera.



What an athlete. What a gymnast. His spine must bend over 9000 degrees in this clip. As if his epic fail wasn't quite bad enough, his own mother then laughs at him. I would say that's demoralising but come on, this kid has just eaten sand using a body board. Which smacktard can't use a body board? Epic. Fail.

Finally, the big one. A jew, national TV, a face plant and a bit of Cat Deeley for good measure. Yes.



Best face plant ever? 'Nuff said.

~ AVARiCE Read more on "[You] Faceplant Friday: It’s back!"...

[Me] Update: Yes I'm Still Here

Apologies to those of you who've been waiting for me to update this blog for how long now? As with every blogger under the sun I've real world events and commitments which I prioritise before a mere blog. More after the jump, which is also an exciting new update!

 

In these past few weeks I've been extremely busy with things which are varied in nature, but added together have been excessively time consuming, namely my exams. My exams are not over but I've now reached a point where I've enough free time to blog again, delivering your dose of lulz and even better - your face plants every Friday!

Before I continue into the changes I've made to the blog, I'll make one last statement concerning my lack of activity on the blog. From the 5th of May I held a 40 day silence on the blog as a mark of respect, I was still collecting material for the blog during that time so expect some bumper posting sessions to make up for this, excluding face plants as they're scarce enough. This post is dedicated in the memory of the events of the 5th of May.

Now - the exciting bit! I've been working behind the scenes to bring you two updates. Firstly I'm using a new blogging platform, [Windows Live Writer] to write my posts, the advantage of this being I'm no longer restricted to the petty web-based offering blogger offers you as standard and I can interact with other services using plug-ins. Secondly (and most notably), I've added an 'after the jump' system. On the main page only the first paragraph or so of a posts' text will be seen, it's up to you whether you wanna hit the jump and check out the rest of the post. I've also made some tiny changes to the template - none of which are worthy of note.

Finally, I've begun the process of shortlisting further changes for the blog, which will be placed in the sidebar. Examples include a random post button and a list of posts which have the greatest number of views/comments. I'll not share too much info on this as I don't want to spoil the surprise. I will not be changing the template at this time, as I'm more than happy with it but as always, your comments and suggestions are welcome.

Enjoy yourselves and prepare for the oncoming onslaught of content!

~ AVARiCE Read more on "[Me] Update: Yes I'm Still Here"...

[You] Oops: Carpenter With Wood Allergy

That's right. This guy quit his £80,000 p/a city job to become a carpenter. If you're ever having a bad day, remember it will be nothing like this guys'. The story has a happy ending though, he's all fixed now, he was only allergic to one type of wood. Only in Wales, hey?

Can you imagine how he broke the news to his mates? This is why we need CCTV, to capture moments like that. I do believe the term is 'pwnt'.

[Sauce]

~ AVARiCE Read more on "[You] Oops: Carpenter With Wood Allergy"...

[You] Faceplant Friday: Cats and Italian Americans Hey?

Apologies for the lateness this week but I've had a few coursework deadlines to meet as well as being ill, leaving me very little time.



Animal face plant to kick off proceedings. You just can't beat 'em. Love how this cat does the very human thing of over-estimating its talent before doing the even more human thing of feeling the pain. I don't think I've ever seen a cat roll around the floor in pain before. Serves the damned thing right.



A quickie. This is both a prank and a face plant. Two greats rolled into one! You've got to admit this is hilariously harsh, with friends like these who needs no claims bonuses on health insurance?



I actually saw this episode of Mythbusters. I love the way they tee him up, knowing the cool kid with the bike can't resist showing off in front of the girls. Props to him for taking it like a man, I'm sure we'll revisit some of his antics at a later date. We might even make a compilation for his funeral.

~ AVARiCE Read more on "[You] Faceplant Friday: Cats and Italian Americans Hey?"...

[You] Oops: IGN Watermark on Okami's Cover

This seems insane, but it's true. The Wii game Okami has IGN's watermark on the cover art. Just walk into your local store and you'll find it's true, that's insane! Can you imagine the conversations going on in the Nintendo design department right now? You can but you want me to translate? No way dude.

Someone else has actually put all this information into standard English so you can see it, link at the bottom of the post. It's hard to spot at first but once you spot it it's incredibly clear. I wonder if IGN can sue Nintendo even though it's Capcom's image they've watermarked? Ohhh this is good!

Proper article at [Kotaku.com].

~ AVARiCE Read more on "[You] Oops: IGN Watermark on Okami's Cover"...

[You] Comedy: George Bush is Still Funny

Nothing special, just a compilation of George Bush's comic moments. Idiot or not, he's a funny guy. How many other people can boast having websites dedicated to their mistakes - or 'Bushisms' - as they are called.



First seen on the Holy Taco blog, [here].

~ AVARiCE Read more on "[You] Comedy: George Bush is Still Funny"...

[You] Comedy: This Must Be the Best Video. Ever.

It starts off candid video, then this guy just walks in. I was actually in hysterics. What could possibly be worse than your parents knowing you met someone from MySpace? The entire world knowing it. What's worse than being told off by your parents in front of your brother? Being told off in front of the entire world. What's worse than being raped? Being raped in the butt.



IN THE BUTT.

Seriously though, this has got to be the best video ever. In the butt. This guy is an absolute comic legend, where can we find him? In the butt.

~ AVARiCE Read more on "[You] Comedy: This Must Be the Best Video. Ever."...

[You] Football Funnies: Fabregas to Get Own Show

Cesc Fabregas is getting his own TV show. Here's the trailer.



As much as I'd love to pick apart those God-given 55 seconds, I don't have enough time. The acting is poor, his English is poor and he looks everything but hard when he only catches three items to push off the table. To summarise, the whole idea makes me [cry].

Do I smell a small-time club trying to make a marketing tool of Ronaldo's stature? I'll let Ronaldo sign off then.



~ AVARiCE Read more on "[You] Football Funnies: Fabregas to Get Own Show"...

[Me] Feature: Sky Sports' Great Hoax

A couple of days ago Sly Sports (that was a typo but I'm keeping it as I like it) put up a story about Chelsea's Tal Ben Haim [Picture]. He moaned about a lack of first team football or something, I have a built in anti-retard filter that blocked out most of what he said.

Something caught my eye though. Midway through the article he was quoted as having said this:

"It was Jose who brought me here and no one except he and I know the conversation we had when he tried to sign me the first time a year ago last January."

To people who don't follow football, this means nothing. This is also the reason why Sly Sports were happy to post the article up. To those of us who are educated in footballing matters, this is an extremely important. Allow me to explain.

In football, a player must sign a contract with a team to become their playing staff. Simple thus far. When a player's contract is over he is allowed to move clubs for free; if another club wants him while he is contracted to his club, the interested party must offer the player's club a 'transfer fee' which must be accepted before they can open contract negotiations with said player. The except to this rule is a ruling called the 'Bosman Ruling'. In short, the Bosman ruling states that a player who has 6 months left on his contract is allowed to negotiate a contract with another club, which they will join at the end of their current contract. They can simply sign a pre-contract at the time. To the best of my knowledge, this only actually affects cases from one EU country to another. In a domestic case, or at least in England, this pre-contract time is only 6 weeks.

Tal Ben Haim was actually moving from Bolton (an English Premier League side) to Chelsea (another Premier League side) which (once again only to the best of my knowledge) makes this illegal. I few of my footballing friends also noticed this and agreed with me when I pointed this out to them. If we are all correct, this is proof of Chelsea 'tapping up' a player, an illegal practice they had been guilty of at least once before.

Sly Sports have a comments section at the bottom of each article. I filled in the comments and highlighted exactly what I've highlighted here, but in much fewer words. Obviously, comments aren't posted straight away as the comments section would be spammed; instead they are moderated before being published. Unsurprisingly, Sly Sports haven't published the comment. If I am wrong, shouldn't they have e-mailed me saying as much? To the best of my knowledge Chelsea have made another illegal move.

Sly Sports, you are a disgrace. The original article (without my comment, as you can check) can be found here.

~ AVARiCE Read more on "[Me] Feature: Sky Sports' Great Hoax"...

[You] Faceplant Friday: Come Get It Boys

It's that time of the week again people! This week; why black cats are evil, why Parkour must be French for Pain and why Ice Skating with your face will never become an Olympic sport.



We'll kick off with the Ice Skater. As per usual this face plant raises a few questions in my mind. At 19 seconds, is that a pool of blood? Is the cameraman a primate of some sort?

Good idea, but you're never going to get an Olympic sport off the ground by going to ground. Especially when you go down face first.



Parkour must be French for pain. Must be. I love how this kids face somehow manages to bounce off a molehill, I would've thought it would've absorbed the impact. Either way you can't beat a parkour face plant can you?



Finally, the cat face plant. Black cats are evil, this one sits on the edge of the bath tub and quite blatantly dares the other cat to attack it. Can you ever have enough replays? Can you ever have enough slow motion replays? Satisfying 'thud' as well.

~ AVARiCE Read more on "[You] Faceplant Friday: Come Get It Boys"...

[You] Technology: This is Freakin' Scary

This, my friends, is simply scary. Made by [Boston Dynamics], this is a video of the BigDog robot. It's being paid for by the American Government to aid the military. The aim of the machine is to "be able to serve as a robotic pack mule to accompany soldiers in terrain too rough for conventional vehicles", says [Wikipedia]. Whatever man, it scares the crap out of me. Thank God this thing is louder than your average house-hold wife, can you imagine this sneaking up on you? Was it really necessary to make it look like an insect with really skinny human legs in tights? I don't know what's scarier, a 5' fly without wings or the anorexically skinny legs wearing tights. Either way, sleep well readers, it's freakin' scary but twice as freakin' awesome.



~ AVARiCE Read more on "[You] Technology: This is Freakin' Scary"...

[You] Anonymous Browsing: Firefox + Tor Network Have Baby. Is Good.

I've only just seen this. A new Firefox extension called [FoxTor]. Basically, it allows you to turn Tor browsing on and off through Firefox.

For those of you who don't know what Tor is, it's an anonymous browsing network. Think of it as the world's most secure proxy, but you don't need to hit a proxy website, simply turn it on and you're surfing securely. There's a more detailed explanation on Tor's [Wikipedia] page.

As for the extension, it's not like most where you simply click the button and restart Firefox. You will also need to download Tor & Privoxy for it to work, you can grab them here. Also take note of the hints and tips on that download page.

Once you've downloaded and installed the above package, go to "Start -> All Programs -> Vidalia Bundle -> Vidalia", the control panel should open up. Start Tor. Now you need to run Privoxy which is just as simple, "Start -> All Programs -> Vidalia Bundle -> Tor -> Tor". A command line window should open up, wait for it to say this:

"Tor has successfully opened a circuit. Looks like client functionality is working".

You're ready and rearing to go! When you restart Firefox check the bottom left of your status-bar, you should be unmasked. Right-click the fox to put your mask on and right-click again to turn it off. Simple!

Inspired by [this] blog post on Shankri-la.

~ AVARiCE Read more on "[You] Anonymous Browsing: Firefox + Tor Network Have Baby. Is Good."...

[You] Software: Firefox Updates to 2.0.0.14

Today Firefox released version 2.0.0.14. If you are already a Firefox user it should prompt you to update; if it hasn't you can get the latest version here.

You can catch the release notes here, including the change log and other nerdy goodness. If you don't use Firefox you are somewhat of a muppet, you won't even know what this blog properly looks like. Download Firefox here.

~ AVARiCE Read more on "[You] Software: Firefox Updates to 2.0.0.14"...

[You] Football Manager: Miniscout 1.51 is Out

Just a week ago I blogged that Miniscout 1.5 was out. Seems there were some bugs which other people picked up on and Mx Amster was kind enough to fix them and send the new version out this quickly. Get it here.

Check out the checklist here.

~ AVARiCE Read more on "[You] Football Manager: Miniscout 1.51 is Out"...

[Me] Template: New Template

Morning lads and ladettes.

This is the second layout in as many months, but hopefully this one is built to last. Please tell me about any improvements in the comments.

~ AVARiCE Read more on "[Me] Template: New Template"...

[You] Faceplant Friday: A Double Helping II

This week's face plants if you take the previous three as a debt being written off. This week's includes our first ever animal faceplant. Check it.



Small space + Child + Stairs + Box. That's the stupidest equation since the one that involved Michael Jackson, small children and a Disney themed home. Is the mother filming this? Whoever it is, the hysteric laughter at the end will only add to the scarring, time will not heal this child. I would call social services but I can't wait for their next bonding session.



Another classic. The term "with friends like these, who needs enemies" comes to mind. Not much else to say, is there? Hope he's got a good dentist though. And some understanding parents.



Our first animal face plant. Everyone's seen this and no blog is complete without it. Once upon a time someone told me that cats are smarter than dogs. I can't actually remember my reaction through the tears of laughter, or maybe that's all I did - laugh so hard I cried. Whatever, cats are dumb. This one is the dumbest.

~ AVARiCE Read more on "[You] Faceplant Friday: A Double Helping II"...

[You] Faceplant Friday: A Double Helping I

Seeing as I didn't post last week I offer six videos of face planting glory today, as well as humble apologies.

Free Video Hosting

This one is short but hilariously sweet. Satisfying smack as his head loses a one on one battle with the wall. I bet he tried it again.



Another old man face plant. This one is better though. Not only does he show Michael Jackson up with his little moonwalk before the inevitable, but his face actually has a tiny explosion upon hitting the floor. Let this be a lesson, old an shoes do not have sufficient grip for polished floors. You already knew that? Oh.



Drunk face plants. They rock. Look at him run away holding his head at the end, you just can't buy those moments. The fact he did it in the middle of a road makes it twice as good.

The other three vids in the next post, hold on lads and ladettes.

~ AVARiCE Read more on "[You] Faceplant Friday: A Double Helping I"...

[You] Feature: Olympics Post of Hot Women

The Olympics are coming and it seems I need to remind a few of you why we watch the female events. We watch female events, but not the for competition, not for the one that always wins yet arguably looks like a man, we watch for the one who comes last but actually is a female. A spicy female.

Firstly, we have [Alessia Filippi]. She's a swimmer. A hot Italian swimmer.

This is her in action. This is her not in action and looking really hot. Really damn hot.

Next I offer you someone who I, quite frankly, don't even know will be making it to the olympics. But any excuse to post pics is hereby deemed worthy. [Allison Stokke] is a Pole Vaulter.

Here she is in action (she's still hot here), and here she is getting ready. This image is probably the most famous one of her.

Thirdly, and finally, I give you another American. [Jennie Finch] is a softball player. Is that even a sport? Why not just play rounders like civilised human beings? Softball. Damn. But it is an Olympic sport, making this completely valid under my rules.

Action shot here, looking hot here. Even when she tries she's not as hot as the other two. Brunettes are soooo much better.

Watch out for them in Beijing, you know you want to. Read more on "[You] Feature: Olympics Post of Hot Women"...

[You] Football Manager: MiniScout 1.5 is Out

Long time no post, here's some news for my fellow FM addicts. MiniScout - the tool which tells you how good players could become has recently been updated to version 1.5. You can grab it from Mx Amster's official site [here].

I've been using it since release on the 6th and it's working just fine for me.

~ AVARiCE Read more on "[You] Football Manager: MiniScout 1.5 is Out"...

[You] Faceplant Friday: Check 'em Out

Three face plants to kick start a new section I'm going to christen Faceplant Friday.


Grandpa Faceplants on Dyno Roller - Watch more free videos

Combine an elderly gentleman and poor eyesight and you get this clip. No Grandpa, you didn't step over it.



This one has done the rounds, searching for "face plant" on YouTube probably brings this video up. Take a Redneck, a lot of alcohol and a skateboard. The rest, as they say, is history.



That's just sick. Do you get extra points in parkour for the amount of inches your head bounces? Is it a french sport? What is the meaning of life? Why did his friend bother asking him if he's ok? Is he still alive?

So many questions, so little time.

One more: "Why would you try to backflip off of a vending machine?"

I hereby declare common sense shall just be known as 'sense', as it certainly isn't common.

~ AVARiCE Read more on "[You] Faceplant Friday: Check 'em Out"...

[You] Brains: This Man Clearly Has None

To round up my binge posting period for today, I'll leave you with some news that made me laugh. Then I remembered that someone actually lost their life here.

Linkage

What. The. Hell?

It gets worse. This man has actually been allowed to have children. The gene pool is weaker for this.

America, it's time for you to use Tazers. Not only are they much less lethal than guns, they can do this:



I love Tazers. I hate America's attitude towards guns. It's a perfect marriage. An example of a marriage that doesn't work? See the first link for that.

Be honest, we all laughed and then we remembered that this man has actually killed his wife. Jeez.

~ AVARiCE Read more on "[You] Brains: This Man Clearly Has None"...

[You] Intelligence: How Smart Are You?

It's the question everyone wants to know the answer to, here's a decent online IQ test. I got 136 FWIW, not the best ever but only one or two questions actually had me baffled. Leave scores in comments, no lying people!

Any better tests online? Let me know, hit the comments!

~ AVARiCE Read more on "[You] Intelligence: How Smart Are You?"...

[You] Cool Stuff: Slow Motion Slaps Rock

Video below. Watch it. 'Nuff said.



~ AVARiCE Read more on "[You] Cool Stuff: Slow Motion Slaps Rock"...

[You] Ones To Watch: This Guy's Got Talent

Long time, no post.

I'll point you in the direction of this blog. This guy's got skillz. At his request I'm not going to link directly to his images but check them out, he's seriously good. One to look out for in the future :)

~ AVARiCE Read more on "[You] Ones To Watch: This Guy's Got Talent"...

[You] Comedy: Beauty Pageant Girl Does Wonders For The Air-Head Rep (II)

Another video of a beauty pageant contestant completely not understanding the art of the English language. In fairness I don't think it's this lass' first language, but then again her answer doesn't even show a hint of logical thought, so I can't give her the benefit of the doubt. Then I watch it again and wonder why anyone was allowed to ask such a stupid question.

Just ask her the question about rabbits so she can say she loves them because they're fluffy & peaceful and allow us to admire her um... beauty? Or ask her what her dream is, let her tell you about her life long ambition to feed the world's poor, to see world peace or to adopt !xoKalumbtunga from Papua New Guinea, sparing him imminent death.

But ask her: “What roll did your family play for you as candidate to Binibining Philipinas?”

I don't even think I can answer that. 'Nuff said. Enjoy.



First seen here [Holy Taco Blog]

~ AVARiCE Read more on "[You] Comedy: Beauty Pageant Girl Does Wonders For The Air-Head Rep (II)"...

[You] Software: FairUse Wizard Full Edition Free!

Grab it quickly! FairUse Wizard is currently available for free download. This software (usually worth $20) does the work of two freeware programs in that it both rips and converts to DivX. This is the full edition, available for free as "limited edition", read into that as you want to. Recommended.

Grab it here.

Brought to my attention by Lifehacker

~ AVARiCE Read more on "[You] Software: FairUse Wizard Full Edition Free!"...

[You] News: Attack of the Killer Comic Fish

Oh noes! They're coming! This article at The Sun details the latest fear to hit British shores. You've had SARS, you've had bird flu but nothing will prepare you for this latest travesty. That's right ladies and gentlemen, this time we are going to die. Die having been invaded by killer comic zombie fish.

These "savage" fish are "more terrifying than a piranha" our Sun reporter tells us. Then again she also goes on to say:

The vicious giant snakehead EATS everything it comes across and has even been reported to KILL people.

Yeah, thanks. Are The Sun's readers really that thick? Do you really need to capitalise and make bold four letter words? Is that for the illiterates who need the key words pointed out to them?

...She says they're reported to kill people. Who's reports? Another Sun report?

Beware people, this is no joke, Virginia Eel-er (sic) told you so. Prepare the sand-bags and the evacuation schemes Britain, the fish with the comically angry faces are out and they're looking for you!

Why did I bother to blog about this? You're right, I don't actually care about the fish, or the Sun article (as petty as it is). I'm only passing this on because I thought this was yet another example of Avram Grant making the news for all the wrong reasons.

~ AVARiCE Read more on "[You] News: Attack of the Killer Comic Fish"...

[You] Comedy: Worst.Hockey.Fight.Ever?

This has seriously got to be the worst hockey "fight" ever. I'm using the term fight loosely here. Enjoy this stuff, I don't think two cowards will ever meet like this again. Especially not after seeing what happened to these two genetic mishaps.

"Don't touch me, I'll smash your face."

"Bring it girlfriend."

"Yeah, I will bring it. I will."

"Go on then."

"Why don't you bring it then?"

"Ok, I will."

This happens for how long before the referees or umpires or whatever the hell they're called decide enough is enough and "break it up" before someone dies. Of boredom. Or just breaks a nail.

~ AVARiCE Read more on "[You] Comedy: Worst.Hockey.Fight.Ever?"...

[You]Pranks: Batch File Fun #1

First post of March and I'm sitting here ill, so I thought I'd cheer you lot up. At the bottom of this post there's a download link to a batch file (.bat) which, when executed, means that your left and right-clicks are switched over. This is perfect for winding your mates up :)

To undo the changes the batch file makes, simply go to the control panel, choose mouse and under the "Buttons" tab, uncheck the first tickbox, which should say "Switch primary and secondary buttons".

I've made two versions of this file, one is called "Switch.bat" and the other "Switcher.bat". The difference between them is quite significant to the trick; Switch will run like any other file while Switcher will delete itself as soon as you run it successfully.

Why did I bother making Switch then? Well, once you use Switcher it's going to delete itself! Simply copy and paste Switch, renaming the new version "Switcher.bat" and it should work again, genius huh.

Enough of me waffling on, here's the download links:

[Switch] - Will not delete itself after use.

[Switcher] - Will delete itself after use.

Have fun! At this point I should point out that to the best of my knowledge this is Windows only.

~ AVARiCE Read more on "[You]Pranks: Batch File Fun #1"...

[Me] Football Funnies: The Many Faces Of Avram Grant

Ok ok, I'm actually going to start posting properly now, promise. What better to start with than a loser? A loser who can't get his tactics right and loses to some big-game bottlers? Ladies and Gentlemen; I give you Avram Grant and his many faces. This post is pure humour. Promise.



Before we begun I thought I'd show you a picture of Avram, in this one he's looking a bit froggish. Poor pun, I know. This post can only get better though, hey? 3 stars. (The picture, not the joke.)



Here he is looking shocked. Accept no imitations, Avram does the best Avram impression around. 5 stars.



Avram in his movie debut, impressively he was only in hair and make-up for 10 minutes before each shoot. 4 stars.



No idea what this is, but it is scarily similar. 4 stars.



Here's our favourite little trooper in his animated movie debut. He looks so chuffed. 4 stars.

Ok, that's enough mocking him.




One more. Then I'll go. Promise.



So close, hey Avram? Next year.

Feel free to add suggestions in the kahmentz. I envisage this post having a mk II. If you make me laugh you can win a glass of smug.

~ AVARiCE Read more on "[Me] Football Funnies: The Many Faces Of Avram Grant"...

[You] Template: My Design

Morning,

The current template is my own design, based on the Generic Template, check out the site it's pretty good.

This template is my first so all critique is welcome, in fact I'd encourage it. May I ask that it remains constructive. I've tried my best to make this template compliant in Firefox 2, Safari 3 and IE 7 so please report any bugs within those browsers asap :)

As for anyone else, running any other browser, I don't care :)

~ AVARiCE Read more on "[You] Template: My Design"...

[You] Formalities: Welcome!

Morning all,

Welcome to Kebab Kings! This blog is, put simply, for men. The first thing I'll explain is the odd post title, I'm running a nice efficient system.

In the square brackets is either [You] or [Me]. This means that I'm either posting something of concern to you, the public, or something that I liked and thought I'd share, whether or not you want to read it.

Secondly I've written a main tag, in this case "Formalities". If I'm posting about a piece of software for windows-only I'll give it the tag "Windows" or "Computing", while a post about football would be titled "Football", for example.

The final bit is the actual post title :)

The final thing you should all know is that this blog is full of things I find interesting, so my target audience is myself, meaning that not everything is going to be to your tastes and surprisingly, I don't care.

Enjoy the blog people :)

~ AVARiCE Read more on "[You] Formalities: Welcome!"...