[You] Oops: Carpenter With Wood Allergy

That's right. This guy quit his £80,000 p/a city job to become a carpenter. If you're ever having a bad day, remember it will be nothing like this guys'. The story has a happy ending though, he's all fixed now, he was only allergic to one type of wood. Only in Wales, hey?

Can you imagine how he broke the news to his mates? This is why we need CCTV, to capture moments like that. I do believe the term is 'pwnt'.

[Sauce]

~ AVARiCE Read more on "[You] Oops: Carpenter With Wood Allergy"...

[You] Faceplant Friday: Cats and Italian Americans Hey?

Apologies for the lateness this week but I've had a few coursework deadlines to meet as well as being ill, leaving me very little time.



Animal face plant to kick off proceedings. You just can't beat 'em. Love how this cat does the very human thing of over-estimating its talent before doing the even more human thing of feeling the pain. I don't think I've ever seen a cat roll around the floor in pain before. Serves the damned thing right.



A quickie. This is both a prank and a face plant. Two greats rolled into one! You've got to admit this is hilariously harsh, with friends like these who needs no claims bonuses on health insurance?



I actually saw this episode of Mythbusters. I love the way they tee him up, knowing the cool kid with the bike can't resist showing off in front of the girls. Props to him for taking it like a man, I'm sure we'll revisit some of his antics at a later date. We might even make a compilation for his funeral.

~ AVARiCE Read more on "[You] Faceplant Friday: Cats and Italian Americans Hey?"...

[You] Oops: IGN Watermark on Okami's Cover

This seems insane, but it's true. The Wii game Okami has IGN's watermark on the cover art. Just walk into your local store and you'll find it's true, that's insane! Can you imagine the conversations going on in the Nintendo design department right now? You can but you want me to translate? No way dude.

Someone else has actually put all this information into standard English so you can see it, link at the bottom of the post. It's hard to spot at first but once you spot it it's incredibly clear. I wonder if IGN can sue Nintendo even though it's Capcom's image they've watermarked? Ohhh this is good!

Proper article at [Kotaku.com].

~ AVARiCE Read more on "[You] Oops: IGN Watermark on Okami's Cover"...

[You] Comedy: George Bush is Still Funny

Nothing special, just a compilation of George Bush's comic moments. Idiot or not, he's a funny guy. How many other people can boast having websites dedicated to their mistakes - or 'Bushisms' - as they are called.



First seen on the Holy Taco blog, [here].

~ AVARiCE Read more on "[You] Comedy: George Bush is Still Funny"...

[You] Comedy: This Must Be the Best Video. Ever.

It starts off candid video, then this guy just walks in. I was actually in hysterics. What could possibly be worse than your parents knowing you met someone from MySpace? The entire world knowing it. What's worse than being told off by your parents in front of your brother? Being told off in front of the entire world. What's worse than being raped? Being raped in the butt.



IN THE BUTT.

Seriously though, this has got to be the best video ever. In the butt. This guy is an absolute comic legend, where can we find him? In the butt.

~ AVARiCE Read more on "[You] Comedy: This Must Be the Best Video. Ever."...

[You] Football Funnies: Fabregas to Get Own Show

Cesc Fabregas is getting his own TV show. Here's the trailer.



As much as I'd love to pick apart those God-given 55 seconds, I don't have enough time. The acting is poor, his English is poor and he looks everything but hard when he only catches three items to push off the table. To summarise, the whole idea makes me [cry].

Do I smell a small-time club trying to make a marketing tool of Ronaldo's stature? I'll let Ronaldo sign off then.



~ AVARiCE Read more on "[You] Football Funnies: Fabregas to Get Own Show"...

[Me] Feature: Sky Sports' Great Hoax

A couple of days ago Sly Sports (that was a typo but I'm keeping it as I like it) put up a story about Chelsea's Tal Ben Haim [Picture]. He moaned about a lack of first team football or something, I have a built in anti-retard filter that blocked out most of what he said.

Something caught my eye though. Midway through the article he was quoted as having said this:

"It was Jose who brought me here and no one except he and I know the conversation we had when he tried to sign me the first time a year ago last January."

To people who don't follow football, this means nothing. This is also the reason why Sly Sports were happy to post the article up. To those of us who are educated in footballing matters, this is an extremely important. Allow me to explain.

In football, a player must sign a contract with a team to become their playing staff. Simple thus far. When a player's contract is over he is allowed to move clubs for free; if another club wants him while he is contracted to his club, the interested party must offer the player's club a 'transfer fee' which must be accepted before they can open contract negotiations with said player. The except to this rule is a ruling called the 'Bosman Ruling'. In short, the Bosman ruling states that a player who has 6 months left on his contract is allowed to negotiate a contract with another club, which they will join at the end of their current contract. They can simply sign a pre-contract at the time. To the best of my knowledge, this only actually affects cases from one EU country to another. In a domestic case, or at least in England, this pre-contract time is only 6 weeks.

Tal Ben Haim was actually moving from Bolton (an English Premier League side) to Chelsea (another Premier League side) which (once again only to the best of my knowledge) makes this illegal. I few of my footballing friends also noticed this and agreed with me when I pointed this out to them. If we are all correct, this is proof of Chelsea 'tapping up' a player, an illegal practice they had been guilty of at least once before.

Sly Sports have a comments section at the bottom of each article. I filled in the comments and highlighted exactly what I've highlighted here, but in much fewer words. Obviously, comments aren't posted straight away as the comments section would be spammed; instead they are moderated before being published. Unsurprisingly, Sly Sports haven't published the comment. If I am wrong, shouldn't they have e-mailed me saying as much? To the best of my knowledge Chelsea have made another illegal move.

Sly Sports, you are a disgrace. The original article (without my comment, as you can check) can be found here.

~ AVARiCE Read more on "[Me] Feature: Sky Sports' Great Hoax"...

[You] Faceplant Friday: Come Get It Boys

It's that time of the week again people! This week; why black cats are evil, why Parkour must be French for Pain and why Ice Skating with your face will never become an Olympic sport.



We'll kick off with the Ice Skater. As per usual this face plant raises a few questions in my mind. At 19 seconds, is that a pool of blood? Is the cameraman a primate of some sort?

Good idea, but you're never going to get an Olympic sport off the ground by going to ground. Especially when you go down face first.



Parkour must be French for pain. Must be. I love how this kids face somehow manages to bounce off a molehill, I would've thought it would've absorbed the impact. Either way you can't beat a parkour face plant can you?



Finally, the cat face plant. Black cats are evil, this one sits on the edge of the bath tub and quite blatantly dares the other cat to attack it. Can you ever have enough replays? Can you ever have enough slow motion replays? Satisfying 'thud' as well.

~ AVARiCE Read more on "[You] Faceplant Friday: Come Get It Boys"...

[You] Technology: This is Freakin' Scary

This, my friends, is simply scary. Made by [Boston Dynamics], this is a video of the BigDog robot. It's being paid for by the American Government to aid the military. The aim of the machine is to "be able to serve as a robotic pack mule to accompany soldiers in terrain too rough for conventional vehicles", says [Wikipedia]. Whatever man, it scares the crap out of me. Thank God this thing is louder than your average house-hold wife, can you imagine this sneaking up on you? Was it really necessary to make it look like an insect with really skinny human legs in tights? I don't know what's scarier, a 5' fly without wings or the anorexically skinny legs wearing tights. Either way, sleep well readers, it's freakin' scary but twice as freakin' awesome.



~ AVARiCE Read more on "[You] Technology: This is Freakin' Scary"...

[You] Anonymous Browsing: Firefox + Tor Network Have Baby. Is Good.

I've only just seen this. A new Firefox extension called [FoxTor]. Basically, it allows you to turn Tor browsing on and off through Firefox.

For those of you who don't know what Tor is, it's an anonymous browsing network. Think of it as the world's most secure proxy, but you don't need to hit a proxy website, simply turn it on and you're surfing securely. There's a more detailed explanation on Tor's [Wikipedia] page.

As for the extension, it's not like most where you simply click the button and restart Firefox. You will also need to download Tor & Privoxy for it to work, you can grab them here. Also take note of the hints and tips on that download page.

Once you've downloaded and installed the above package, go to "Start -> All Programs -> Vidalia Bundle -> Vidalia", the control panel should open up. Start Tor. Now you need to run Privoxy which is just as simple, "Start -> All Programs -> Vidalia Bundle -> Tor -> Tor". A command line window should open up, wait for it to say this:

"Tor has successfully opened a circuit. Looks like client functionality is working".

You're ready and rearing to go! When you restart Firefox check the bottom left of your status-bar, you should be unmasked. Right-click the fox to put your mask on and right-click again to turn it off. Simple!

Inspired by [this] blog post on Shankri-la.

~ AVARiCE Read more on "[You] Anonymous Browsing: Firefox + Tor Network Have Baby. Is Good."...

[You] Software: Firefox Updates to 2.0.0.14

Today Firefox released version 2.0.0.14. If you are already a Firefox user it should prompt you to update; if it hasn't you can get the latest version here.

You can catch the release notes here, including the change log and other nerdy goodness. If you don't use Firefox you are somewhat of a muppet, you won't even know what this blog properly looks like. Download Firefox here.

~ AVARiCE Read more on "[You] Software: Firefox Updates to 2.0.0.14"...

[You] Football Manager: Miniscout 1.51 is Out

Just a week ago I blogged that Miniscout 1.5 was out. Seems there were some bugs which other people picked up on and Mx Amster was kind enough to fix them and send the new version out this quickly. Get it here.

Check out the checklist here.

~ AVARiCE Read more on "[You] Football Manager: Miniscout 1.51 is Out"...

[Me] Template: New Template

Morning lads and ladettes.

This is the second layout in as many months, but hopefully this one is built to last. Please tell me about any improvements in the comments.

~ AVARiCE Read more on "[Me] Template: New Template"...

[You] Faceplant Friday: A Double Helping II

This week's face plants if you take the previous three as a debt being written off. This week's includes our first ever animal faceplant. Check it.



Small space + Child + Stairs + Box. That's the stupidest equation since the one that involved Michael Jackson, small children and a Disney themed home. Is the mother filming this? Whoever it is, the hysteric laughter at the end will only add to the scarring, time will not heal this child. I would call social services but I can't wait for their next bonding session.



Another classic. The term "with friends like these, who needs enemies" comes to mind. Not much else to say, is there? Hope he's got a good dentist though. And some understanding parents.



Our first animal face plant. Everyone's seen this and no blog is complete without it. Once upon a time someone told me that cats are smarter than dogs. I can't actually remember my reaction through the tears of laughter, or maybe that's all I did - laugh so hard I cried. Whatever, cats are dumb. This one is the dumbest.

~ AVARiCE Read more on "[You] Faceplant Friday: A Double Helping II"...

[You] Faceplant Friday: A Double Helping I

Seeing as I didn't post last week I offer six videos of face planting glory today, as well as humble apologies.

Free Video Hosting

This one is short but hilariously sweet. Satisfying smack as his head loses a one on one battle with the wall. I bet he tried it again.



Another old man face plant. This one is better though. Not only does he show Michael Jackson up with his little moonwalk before the inevitable, but his face actually has a tiny explosion upon hitting the floor. Let this be a lesson, old an shoes do not have sufficient grip for polished floors. You already knew that? Oh.



Drunk face plants. They rock. Look at him run away holding his head at the end, you just can't buy those moments. The fact he did it in the middle of a road makes it twice as good.

The other three vids in the next post, hold on lads and ladettes.

~ AVARiCE Read more on "[You] Faceplant Friday: A Double Helping I"...

[You] Feature: Olympics Post of Hot Women

The Olympics are coming and it seems I need to remind a few of you why we watch the female events. We watch female events, but not the for competition, not for the one that always wins yet arguably looks like a man, we watch for the one who comes last but actually is a female. A spicy female.

Firstly, we have [Alessia Filippi]. She's a swimmer. A hot Italian swimmer.

This is her in action. This is her not in action and looking really hot. Really damn hot.

Next I offer you someone who I, quite frankly, don't even know will be making it to the olympics. But any excuse to post pics is hereby deemed worthy. [Allison Stokke] is a Pole Vaulter.

Here she is in action (she's still hot here), and here she is getting ready. This image is probably the most famous one of her.

Thirdly, and finally, I give you another American. [Jennie Finch] is a softball player. Is that even a sport? Why not just play rounders like civilised human beings? Softball. Damn. But it is an Olympic sport, making this completely valid under my rules.

Action shot here, looking hot here. Even when she tries she's not as hot as the other two. Brunettes are soooo much better.

Watch out for them in Beijing, you know you want to. Read more on "[You] Feature: Olympics Post of Hot Women"...

[You] Football Manager: MiniScout 1.5 is Out

Long time no post, here's some news for my fellow FM addicts. MiniScout - the tool which tells you how good players could become has recently been updated to version 1.5. You can grab it from Mx Amster's official site [here].

I've been using it since release on the 6th and it's working just fine for me.

~ AVARiCE Read more on "[You] Football Manager: MiniScout 1.5 is Out"...