[You] Faceplant Friday: The Return of the Ouch

This week I’ve got three more videos lined up for you all. The usual blockbuster, a funny one and the final one - this week marks the return of the one that makes you cringe.

I’ll start with the funny one. A short clip which involves a little kid and gymnastics. God I love the gymnastic face plants.

It’s only short I know but the wacky music and multiple replays sum this face plant up. It’s quirky and no major damage was done – watch the kid run off at the end. I just found it really funny, I mean, this kid probably just proved that his Mum was right when she said he should quite gym and play football instead. Check the rest after the jump.

Ok this one is just cringe worthy. Could someone please tell me whether she broke her neck or not? Regardless – this looks like pain was a big hitter. Still, it’s a face plant, and it harks back to the early days of Face Plant Friday, in which I gave you some real painful ones.

Just Ouch. Somebody call a doctor or something, that has got to smart. Don’t you love the way she basically balances on her face before her neck gives a way? That, ladies and gents, is a proper face plant, with a hold. I heard this lady’s going to be in the new Tony Hawks.

But now. The moment you all love. The blockbuster face plant. This weeks’ is quite an odd one if I’m honest, I highly doubt anyone will spot it first time but don’t worry, it comes with a slow-mo replay.

Before I go any further I've got to hand credit to Matthew who pointed this video out to me, great spot! This is one of the best face plants I've ever seen for so many reasons - not only do I suspect that this guy is now out of the genepool, but I think all the other douche bags with him have learnt their lessons as well. Result. Now watch it again and take note of the sound of his face smacking the car. Beautiful, isn’t it?

Take care guys and gals.

~ AVARiCE Read more on "[You] Faceplant Friday: The Return of the Ouch"...

[You] Comedy: Best News Story Evar?

This is just epic. See the jump? Do it.

I'm thinking of starting a new series (alongside Face Plant Friday) called 'Only In America', because with the glorious US of A, this blog probably wouldn't exist in any form, let alone this one.

I don't honestly think that my satire could actually add anything to this video. It involves a man with no nose, a kidnapping, a drunken pair and the best excuse I've ever heard. Epic.

Just watch it, if you can do it with a straight face then you're twice the man I am. Peace out.

~ AVARiCE Read more on "[You] Comedy: Best News Story Evar?"...

[You] Comedy: Drunken Referee is Drunk

This is just awesome, isn't it? I mean, what more is there to be said about this? Of course I can think of more! After the jump, guys!

Right. Where do we begin? Ah yes. This is a junior game. As in, everyone about to play is under the age of 18, and the audience probably consists of parents who wanted to pretend to be supportive, while Dad just checks out all the soccer mums out and about.

That's a good start. Then we arrive at his stance. He either has a terrible degenerative disease in his back muscles, a horrendous curvature in his spine or he's so drunk the world is a couple of degrees off to him. I think the safe money's on the latter.

So the event organisers realise he's drunk as a wotsit and try to coax him off the pitch. You can just tell what he's doing at this point, he's telling them he's fine (no really, he's fine) and that he loves them. Even his hand gestures tell you it's a drunken rumble.

Finally they get him to leave the pitch, before he does my favourite thing of this entire video. At 1:52 he gives the perfect wave, followed by an abrupt applause to the crowd. Yes, this man is so drunk he thinks the crowd loces him.

The story ends happily enough, the game was sponsored by an anti-drinking campaign. None of the kids ever drank alcohol in their entire lives. Some died on drug overdoses, but none even touched alcohol!

~ AVARiCE Read more on "[You] Comedy: Drunken Referee is Drunk"...

[You] Faceplant Friday: It’s back!

So, it's been a while and I can only apologise for that but I'm here and I've got three spankingly beautiful videos for you this week. Where else are you going to find a Jew, a fat guy and an epic fail smashing their faces into the ground? You can't say I don't love you, can you? We'll begin this week with the fat guy, because it's probably the least funny and I feel like saving the best until last.



Not the best face plant mankind has ever witnessed, but it does explain why he looks like the Michelin man, he's obviously done this before and over time his body has forgotten to pop back out of the crumpled state. Decent breasts for a lad though. Check the other two videos after the jump.

For my second video of the week, I offer a kid with a body board and a really bad case of epic fail. He might want some medicine for that - or his pride - after this monstrosity was caught on camera.



What an athlete. What a gymnast. His spine must bend over 9000 degrees in this clip. As if his epic fail wasn't quite bad enough, his own mother then laughs at him. I would say that's demoralising but come on, this kid has just eaten sand using a body board. Which smacktard can't use a body board? Epic. Fail.

Finally, the big one. A jew, national TV, a face plant and a bit of Cat Deeley for good measure. Yes.



Best face plant ever? 'Nuff said.

~ AVARiCE Read more on "[You] Faceplant Friday: It’s back!"...

[You] Faceplant Friday: Cats and Italian Americans Hey?

Apologies for the lateness this week but I've had a few coursework deadlines to meet as well as being ill, leaving me very little time.



Animal face plant to kick off proceedings. You just can't beat 'em. Love how this cat does the very human thing of over-estimating its talent before doing the even more human thing of feeling the pain. I don't think I've ever seen a cat roll around the floor in pain before. Serves the damned thing right.



A quickie. This is both a prank and a face plant. Two greats rolled into one! You've got to admit this is hilariously harsh, with friends like these who needs no claims bonuses on health insurance?



I actually saw this episode of Mythbusters. I love the way they tee him up, knowing the cool kid with the bike can't resist showing off in front of the girls. Props to him for taking it like a man, I'm sure we'll revisit some of his antics at a later date. We might even make a compilation for his funeral.

~ AVARiCE Read more on "[You] Faceplant Friday: Cats and Italian Americans Hey?"...

[You] Oops: IGN Watermark on Okami's Cover

This seems insane, but it's true. The Wii game Okami has IGN's watermark on the cover art. Just walk into your local store and you'll find it's true, that's insane! Can you imagine the conversations going on in the Nintendo design department right now? You can but you want me to translate? No way dude.

Someone else has actually put all this information into standard English so you can see it, link at the bottom of the post. It's hard to spot at first but once you spot it it's incredibly clear. I wonder if IGN can sue Nintendo even though it's Capcom's image they've watermarked? Ohhh this is good!

Proper article at [Kotaku.com].

~ AVARiCE Read more on "[You] Oops: IGN Watermark on Okami's Cover"...

[You] Comedy: George Bush is Still Funny

Nothing special, just a compilation of George Bush's comic moments. Idiot or not, he's a funny guy. How many other people can boast having websites dedicated to their mistakes - or 'Bushisms' - as they are called.



First seen on the Holy Taco blog, [here].

~ AVARiCE Read more on "[You] Comedy: George Bush is Still Funny"...

[You] Comedy: This Must Be the Best Video. Ever.

It starts off candid video, then this guy just walks in. I was actually in hysterics. What could possibly be worse than your parents knowing you met someone from MySpace? The entire world knowing it. What's worse than being told off by your parents in front of your brother? Being told off in front of the entire world. What's worse than being raped? Being raped in the butt.



IN THE BUTT.

Seriously though, this has got to be the best video ever. In the butt. This guy is an absolute comic legend, where can we find him? In the butt.

~ AVARiCE Read more on "[You] Comedy: This Must Be the Best Video. Ever."...

[You] Football Funnies: Fabregas to Get Own Show

Cesc Fabregas is getting his own TV show. Here's the trailer.



As much as I'd love to pick apart those God-given 55 seconds, I don't have enough time. The acting is poor, his English is poor and he looks everything but hard when he only catches three items to push off the table. To summarise, the whole idea makes me [cry].

Do I smell a small-time club trying to make a marketing tool of Ronaldo's stature? I'll let Ronaldo sign off then.



~ AVARiCE Read more on "[You] Football Funnies: Fabregas to Get Own Show"...

[You] Faceplant Friday: Come Get It Boys

It's that time of the week again people! This week; why black cats are evil, why Parkour must be French for Pain and why Ice Skating with your face will never become an Olympic sport.



We'll kick off with the Ice Skater. As per usual this face plant raises a few questions in my mind. At 19 seconds, is that a pool of blood? Is the cameraman a primate of some sort?

Good idea, but you're never going to get an Olympic sport off the ground by going to ground. Especially when you go down face first.



Parkour must be French for pain. Must be. I love how this kids face somehow manages to bounce off a molehill, I would've thought it would've absorbed the impact. Either way you can't beat a parkour face plant can you?



Finally, the cat face plant. Black cats are evil, this one sits on the edge of the bath tub and quite blatantly dares the other cat to attack it. Can you ever have enough replays? Can you ever have enough slow motion replays? Satisfying 'thud' as well.

~ AVARiCE Read more on "[You] Faceplant Friday: Come Get It Boys"...

[You] Faceplant Friday: A Double Helping II

This week's face plants if you take the previous three as a debt being written off. This week's includes our first ever animal faceplant. Check it.



Small space + Child + Stairs + Box. That's the stupidest equation since the one that involved Michael Jackson, small children and a Disney themed home. Is the mother filming this? Whoever it is, the hysteric laughter at the end will only add to the scarring, time will not heal this child. I would call social services but I can't wait for their next bonding session.



Another classic. The term "with friends like these, who needs enemies" comes to mind. Not much else to say, is there? Hope he's got a good dentist though. And some understanding parents.



Our first animal face plant. Everyone's seen this and no blog is complete without it. Once upon a time someone told me that cats are smarter than dogs. I can't actually remember my reaction through the tears of laughter, or maybe that's all I did - laugh so hard I cried. Whatever, cats are dumb. This one is the dumbest.

~ AVARiCE Read more on "[You] Faceplant Friday: A Double Helping II"...

[You] Faceplant Friday: A Double Helping I

Seeing as I didn't post last week I offer six videos of face planting glory today, as well as humble apologies.

Free Video Hosting

This one is short but hilariously sweet. Satisfying smack as his head loses a one on one battle with the wall. I bet he tried it again.



Another old man face plant. This one is better though. Not only does he show Michael Jackson up with his little moonwalk before the inevitable, but his face actually has a tiny explosion upon hitting the floor. Let this be a lesson, old an shoes do not have sufficient grip for polished floors. You already knew that? Oh.



Drunk face plants. They rock. Look at him run away holding his head at the end, you just can't buy those moments. The fact he did it in the middle of a road makes it twice as good.

The other three vids in the next post, hold on lads and ladettes.

~ AVARiCE Read more on "[You] Faceplant Friday: A Double Helping I"...

[You] Faceplant Friday: Check 'em Out

Three face plants to kick start a new section I'm going to christen Faceplant Friday.


Grandpa Faceplants on Dyno Roller - Watch more free videos

Combine an elderly gentleman and poor eyesight and you get this clip. No Grandpa, you didn't step over it.



This one has done the rounds, searching for "face plant" on YouTube probably brings this video up. Take a Redneck, a lot of alcohol and a skateboard. The rest, as they say, is history.



That's just sick. Do you get extra points in parkour for the amount of inches your head bounces? Is it a french sport? What is the meaning of life? Why did his friend bother asking him if he's ok? Is he still alive?

So many questions, so little time.

One more: "Why would you try to backflip off of a vending machine?"

I hereby declare common sense shall just be known as 'sense', as it certainly isn't common.

~ AVARiCE Read more on "[You] Faceplant Friday: Check 'em Out"...

[You] Brains: This Man Clearly Has None

To round up my binge posting period for today, I'll leave you with some news that made me laugh. Then I remembered that someone actually lost their life here.

Linkage

What. The. Hell?

It gets worse. This man has actually been allowed to have children. The gene pool is weaker for this.

America, it's time for you to use Tazers. Not only are they much less lethal than guns, they can do this:



I love Tazers. I hate America's attitude towards guns. It's a perfect marriage. An example of a marriage that doesn't work? See the first link for that.

Be honest, we all laughed and then we remembered that this man has actually killed his wife. Jeez.

~ AVARiCE Read more on "[You] Brains: This Man Clearly Has None"...

[You] Cool Stuff: Slow Motion Slaps Rock

Video below. Watch it. 'Nuff said.



~ AVARiCE Read more on "[You] Cool Stuff: Slow Motion Slaps Rock"...

[You] Comedy: Beauty Pageant Girl Does Wonders For The Air-Head Rep (II)

Another video of a beauty pageant contestant completely not understanding the art of the English language. In fairness I don't think it's this lass' first language, but then again her answer doesn't even show a hint of logical thought, so I can't give her the benefit of the doubt. Then I watch it again and wonder why anyone was allowed to ask such a stupid question.

Just ask her the question about rabbits so she can say she loves them because they're fluffy & peaceful and allow us to admire her um... beauty? Or ask her what her dream is, let her tell you about her life long ambition to feed the world's poor, to see world peace or to adopt !xoKalumbtunga from Papua New Guinea, sparing him imminent death.

But ask her: “What roll did your family play for you as candidate to Binibining Philipinas?”

I don't even think I can answer that. 'Nuff said. Enjoy.



First seen here [Holy Taco Blog]

~ AVARiCE Read more on "[You] Comedy: Beauty Pageant Girl Does Wonders For The Air-Head Rep (II)"...

[You] Comedy: Worst.Hockey.Fight.Ever?

This has seriously got to be the worst hockey "fight" ever. I'm using the term fight loosely here. Enjoy this stuff, I don't think two cowards will ever meet like this again. Especially not after seeing what happened to these two genetic mishaps.

"Don't touch me, I'll smash your face."

"Bring it girlfriend."

"Yeah, I will bring it. I will."

"Go on then."

"Why don't you bring it then?"

"Ok, I will."

This happens for how long before the referees or umpires or whatever the hell they're called decide enough is enough and "break it up" before someone dies. Of boredom. Or just breaks a nail.

~ AVARiCE Read more on "[You] Comedy: Worst.Hockey.Fight.Ever?"...

[You]Pranks: Batch File Fun #1

First post of March and I'm sitting here ill, so I thought I'd cheer you lot up. At the bottom of this post there's a download link to a batch file (.bat) which, when executed, means that your left and right-clicks are switched over. This is perfect for winding your mates up :)

To undo the changes the batch file makes, simply go to the control panel, choose mouse and under the "Buttons" tab, uncheck the first tickbox, which should say "Switch primary and secondary buttons".

I've made two versions of this file, one is called "Switch.bat" and the other "Switcher.bat". The difference between them is quite significant to the trick; Switch will run like any other file while Switcher will delete itself as soon as you run it successfully.

Why did I bother making Switch then? Well, once you use Switcher it's going to delete itself! Simply copy and paste Switch, renaming the new version "Switcher.bat" and it should work again, genius huh.

Enough of me waffling on, here's the download links:

[Switch] - Will not delete itself after use.

[Switcher] - Will delete itself after use.

Have fun! At this point I should point out that to the best of my knowledge this is Windows only.

~ AVARiCE Read more on "[You]Pranks: Batch File Fun #1"...

[Me] Football Funnies: The Many Faces Of Avram Grant

Ok ok, I'm actually going to start posting properly now, promise. What better to start with than a loser? A loser who can't get his tactics right and loses to some big-game bottlers? Ladies and Gentlemen; I give you Avram Grant and his many faces. This post is pure humour. Promise.



Before we begun I thought I'd show you a picture of Avram, in this one he's looking a bit froggish. Poor pun, I know. This post can only get better though, hey? 3 stars. (The picture, not the joke.)



Here he is looking shocked. Accept no imitations, Avram does the best Avram impression around. 5 stars.



Avram in his movie debut, impressively he was only in hair and make-up for 10 minutes before each shoot. 4 stars.



No idea what this is, but it is scarily similar. 4 stars.



Here's our favourite little trooper in his animated movie debut. He looks so chuffed. 4 stars.

Ok, that's enough mocking him.




One more. Then I'll go. Promise.



So close, hey Avram? Next year.

Feel free to add suggestions in the kahmentz. I envisage this post having a mk II. If you make me laugh you can win a glass of smug.

~ AVARiCE Read more on "[Me] Football Funnies: The Many Faces Of Avram Grant"...